Why are we Getting Married?
"Finding the right person to get married is like pulling a poisonous snake from a bag with ten poisonous snakes in it," Thomas Moore, Utopia.
Marriage is one of the most important steps in human‘s life. For many people marriage is the main source of happiness and unhappiness. So much so that the mental health of a good marriage is better than those of unhappy marriages. It‘s true to say that marriage is the most important part of our lives for many of us, if we consider how much of the time we have separated from what we call life.
Thomas Moore's marriage looks like choosing a nonpoisonous snake from a bag full of poisonous snakes. Many couples saw that they could not agree soon after their marriage after the long-lasting meeting and engagement before the marriage. So no matter how carefully we make a choice, it seems that it‘s not possible to deny the role of some factor of chance. Of course we have everything we needto be happy in our marriage.
It's sad to see that many couples don't spend their labor for many other things. In the 21st century, it seems to me that dedication in relationships has diminished. It starts with a lot of couples saying, "if it doesn't work out, we'il split up," or thinking that there's a fortune in marriage. But there is another way to get to know the person you intend to marry before you get married.
If you're having problems aftermarriage, it's a wiser way to solve problems without accumulating problems, perhaps discovering areas that may be problematic without having any problems. What is the value of our investment in the name of our relationship with our spouse compared to all the labor and money we spend to furnish a nice house, to have a nice wedding and to have a nice car?
What is written in this article may be a good opportunity for you to explore the strengths and potential problems of your relationship.
I must mention another important point. I have not produced the information contained here or all thoughts of course not the product of my mind. I have benefited from scientific studies or statistics, or sometimes I have conveyed or used expressions of philosophers and writers.
But I've spent all this on my own mind. If I don't agree with an idea, I'm not afraid to express it with open heart. And I didn't pretend to believe anything I didn't believe. But on the other hand, know that our minds can deceive us, and we must listen to the voice of our hearts very carefully.
Since this article is not linked to the marriage bond, it‘s written for all relationships that involve less commitment than marriage, it has been used throughout for a woman or a man in the relationship of "spouse".
Why would we get married? Reasons for marriage
There are many reasons why we should get married. To avoid being alone, not to lose someone we love, not to keep looking for someone to have sex with (strange, but that's the only reason for most people!), to make children, etc. In the context of a scientific research, when asked spouses what marriage means to them, the answer was "sex which is accepted socially and religiously and is ready when desired". Perhaps this is the reason for marriage that many people do not want to express. Unfortunately, many people are seeking sexual attraction, sexual satisfaction is the only source of satisfaction in life, we see many other factors regardless of marriage. Having a child is one of the reasons why marriage stems from our most important and perhaps most deeply rooted instincts.
These reasons are very cold for many people, and may seem like non-romantic reasons. Most of the time, people don't think so complicated, and maybe they don't even think about these issues. They simply fell in love with someone and tell that in order to spend the whole life with the person they’ve loved, they got married.
It's true, but marriage ends or continues unhappily when the reasons for marriage are not met. When we say simply not to lose someone we love, we come up with a new question: "Why do we love, why do we love not another person but the one we love?". Although it‘s not easy to answer this question, we will try to explain in details the answer to this question in the section where we talk about adaptation in marriage.
"Can there be the right reasons to get married, as well as the wrong reasons?"You may have many reasons to get married, or you may have many wrong reasons to get married. The reasons why marriage should not be justified are as follows:
1) To marry in order to escape from our own family. Marriages that are usually made at an early age are these types of marriages. Of course, the age of marriage in rural areas is somewhat small on average, but although in cities at an advanced age marriage can be considered socially, some young people are on their way to marriage to get rid of the family they live in as soon as possible. They're usually getting into hail while running out of the rain. Young people growing up in a bad family environment are deprived of the psychological equipment and good examples for a good marriage, so they often use their preferences from an unsuitable spouse.
2) To marry in order to punish our parents. Some young girls get angry with their parents and marry men they never approve of. However, the place where the fox will turn around is the furry shop. No matter how far we go when we are young, we find ourselves in a middle place between ourselves and the values of our families when we reach the middle ages.
3) We have been together for so long, so there is no way of going back. A relationship that starts with false grounds, especially in university years, is only featured to find a new person, or a relationship that is maintained in order not to be alone, takes longer than it should, and then "we are together this long, let's get married, let's see what it's like" marriage can take place. These marriages can end quickly compared to the long dating process.
4) Getting married saying it's better than nothing. Although the person we have been dating for some time does not meet our expectations, " I can not find the best yet," we get our spouse. However, if the right steps can be taken at the beginning of the relationship and they can not be neglected, this relationship would not extend much, leave the idea of marriage.
5) I am strong, I solve problems that exist by ignoring the problems, or marriage in hopes that we can change our spouse. Marriage is not based on the change of men and women. Of course, marriage and time change one, but if there is a lot to change for harmony, it should not be married in hope, because often there is no change or change in the way we want it.
Above I‘ve told about the wrong reasons for marriage. In order not to make these mistakesin the next articlesthe things to be done at the beginning of the new acquaintance will be explained.