Love and Attraction
"We look for someone whose life will melt in a pot with ours. We make the most different initiatives for this. One of them is friendliness. But the greatest what we call islove. True love is nothing but an attempt to exchange two loneliness."Ortega G. Gasset
Love marriage is the 20th century fashion! The most passionate love is the most problematic relationship. Why? Because love strikes us from our weakest place, from our soft belly. However, love passing through the love of friendship is immortal.
Tolstoy tells Andrey in the War and Peace: "If you are not a fool don't marry, Saint! I give you my advice. When you do everything you can, when you don't like the woman you choose anymore, when you start to see her as she is, well, then get married, I have nothing to say to her."Lev Tolstoy, War and Peace.
The role of love at the beginning of marriage has been important at different levels in every age and society. Although love marriage has certainly been in every period of history and society, it has not been nationalized in any period until this century. There is no doubt that media and cinema have a share in this nationalization. Love in movies usually ends with a happy ending. Happy ending or marriage.However, this reunion is not the end, but the beginning or the end is the initiator!
We are the ones who watch the movie and imagine that the couple will have a happy marriage for the rest of their lives, just as we hope so when we get married. The theme: in a hospital on the outskirts of 1920s Los Angeles, an injured stuntman begins to tell a fellow patient, a little girl with a broken arm, a fantastic story about tennis. There is no reason for the couples in the films todesireeach other, sometimes even irrational, but there is love, then what must be done to achieve. However, desire is important in maintaining a marriage, but it’s not the only important factor.
Understanding what love is and what is not, will tell us how much we should trust "our love" while making a decision about getting married, and what we should do with this feeling if we "love" someone else while continuing our marriage. For this reason, it’s important not to recognize love and its traps.
In the"personal attraction" section, we describe how people attract or push each other. We talked about why beauty can be important. Moving from an article in Newsweek magazine called the biology of beauty, we mentioned that outer beauty is a universal attraction factor. Some may think that there is more emphasis on beauty. We did it in the name of not getting caught up in the magic of beauty. We're going to talk about everything else that will feed a balanced love.
Love or Attraction?
"What is love? Can it be defined as friendly and friendly love?"
Love is a mix of love, desire to see, longing to see, fear to lose, although it may not be possible to define love. Love can be in two ways: friendship and desire. The more we know someone, the more we love them. Such love is more enduring because it’s built on the facts. The less we know, the more we fall in love. The more you know, our love becomes either a friendly love or a love, or disappears, or maybe even a hate. They say, “when you see love starts, when you don't it grows.”
Lord Byron, the English poet, said to his wife, “if we hadn't been married, if you were someone else's wife, I would have written you poems". Passionate love is like a spell. He doesn't know why he loves you. It often mixes the abundance of love with its physical and spiritual needs.
The meaning of the dictionary is very much love, a love that is a violent conversation that has been translated into Turkish from the original Arabic word “ışk”, the word "love" is closely related to the word "attraction", meaning "aşeka", which has the same root. Love and attractionoftenintermingles, feelings are so tight that one's mind, words lose their meaning, and they get confused with each other. It would be more accurate to search for love and attraction in how it’s lived, rather than what the word actually derives from. What is true love, how should it be a separate matter, what has happened, how it’s happening a separate matter. What kind of love is “either you are mine or the earth’s”, how can it be a love rather than an attraction? In mature love there is thinking of the needs of the loved one. The unpredictability of love take place due to the fact that it contains all the opposite things.
Love is sometimes passionate and flirting, sometimes calm and friendly. Friendly love is a sure and safe commitment. There is love and liking in this love, and there is no absolute dependency and must-have. Passionate love is an intense feeling with fear of abandonment, believes that one can not live without love, almost in love has become the meaning of life. Passionate love hurts more than pleasure. Men who are sexually aroused feel more love at that moment, that is, they confuse sex with love. Passionate love is based on the characteristics of the other person's feelings, wrongly, but the reason for his love is his own spiritual needs.
Freud says mental health is “lieben und arbeiten” meaning love and work. Although we say that we must be healthy in order to love, passionate love often stems from our spiritual weaknesses.“Only the good can be alike and be friends; if they are evil, they cannot even be compatible with themselves, as everyone says; they always change; they do not follow their days. When a person does not have a similarity or harmony within himself, he cannot be similar to others; he cannot be friends with anyone."From Plato's Feast ”
"Is love like that?"we meet some nice events. Love is often confused with other things. “There are so many people who would never fall in love with if they hadn't heard of love.” (La Rochefoucauld, Maxims) is a skill to fall in love, but for many it’s only a form of behavior that is imitated.
In addition to the question of what love is, the concept of love is accepted or rejected in terms of cultural values, sexuality is thought or excluded with love, homosexual or heterosexual, in marriage and marriage apart from the various aspects of love, society and cultures in different dimensions. For example, passionate love in ancient Greece was some kind of madness and had no place in marriage or family life.
Now we're in the age of fast love. We make mistakes for fear of losing, and sometimes we do nothing. I hope we don't look at the past as a criminal after many years. And I'm saying don't let anything hurt your friendship, even your love. How can you say love hurts friendship? In the stormy weather of love, friendship seedlings are difficult to grow. People can make such mistakes that the buds that have just sprouted can be destroyed. It's easy to say, and it's hard to live.Fromm says in his book that love has to be learned. Even further, in order to really love someone, one has to develop himself first. That's the way to be loved. Discipline, concentration and patience this is the art of loving as it is, the features that every art needs to be learned.
For a long-lasting marriage, it may be possible for a human to save himself from blind love. At this point, you,romantic ones, are angry at me and you say, "then, what is the meaning of life and the excitement remains".Bacon says about love: "In the old or new ages, it’s seen that no one among the great precious people whose name has remained today has ever been such a crazy lover; As can be understood from this, the noble souls with a high purpose will stay away from this fragile passion. No proud man likes himself as if he likes a lover's loveliness, he does not like it foolishly, so the word "love and wisdom can not be together" is said very well. This is not a powerlessness that is seen only by others but escapes from the eyes of the loved one, the most loved one sees it ....
The best thing that anyone who can't overcome love can do is to restrain this feeling, to keep it from their work with the heavy-duty issues of life. Otherwise, when a person is involved in his work, he turns everything upside down and puts a human in a situation where he or she will never be bound to his or hers goals... Love in marriage fosters humanity, friendly love elevates mankind, frivolous love spoils fouls”.