Luxury Weddings We Prepared in Antalya Turkey

IMPORTANT VALUES OF BALANCED RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN SPOUSES

Have you ever thought about spending time reading an absolutely uninteresting book, wearing large or tight clothes, and buying huge furniture that does not fit in your room?

Your negative answer is obvious. After all, choosing clothes, furniture or a book, we all try to get exactly what suits us. For comfortable wearing, we do not buy it one size smaller or larger size but choose the exact size. This also applies to the purchase of furniture, which should be chosen according to the size of the house. Small pieces of furniture are lost in a large room and vice versa, large pieces of furniture will not fit in a small room. Therefore, when shopping, we advise you to purchase those things that not only you like, but also that suit you.

But what about the choice of a spouse? Are we looking for common interests and similarities, are we comparing the special qualities of each other? That is, are we acting in order to be sure that the marriage will be strong? Or we get married, not paying attention to compatibility, but preferring only external data. In the case of an advantage in the marriage of one of the partners, it is very important for both partners to ask themselves the following question: “how will the difference between us affect our relations, can I get used to such relations, will I be overwhelmed by the advantage of my partner before me or I’ll start do I compete with a partner (the opposite partner should ask me the same questions, will my partner not suppress me or will he not be good enough for me)? ”Making a marriage decision without thinking about this situation, but relying only on luck, unfortunately, can lead to an unfortunate end. And the advantage of the partner, which we considered good luck at the beginning of the relationship, can create family problems in further life together.

Balanced relationships in terms of age, financial situation, educational level, cultural structure, appearance and beliefs will ensure the beginning of more positive marriage relationships and prevent the negative consequences that give rise to misunderstanding. Perhaps you have also witnessed when spouses, in whose family there is no balance, begin to humiliate each other. For example, a partner whose educational level is higher begins to insult his partner with words such as “you don’t understand, you don’t understand me, but what can you even know ...”, which causes the second partner to begin to feel useless. A partner who has grown in urban conditions begins to criticize his partner, who grew up in the rural culture, or a partner with good physical characteristics and appearance becomes dissatisfied with his spouse/goy, an economically independent partner begins to humiliate a spouse/gu with a lower income. Such shortcomings largely determine the quality of relations between spouses in a marriage, and these relationships continue to express and constantly resemble these shortcomings. Even a debate on various topics again leads to disagreements in interests. Thus, family relationships become a vicious circle in marriage, and usually, people do not make much effort to get rid of it.

In a relationship where one of the spouses dominates the other, the second partner gets tired of criticism and humiliation and assumes the role of the oppressed. In our society, as a rule, a man occupies a dominant position. In many families, men have more virtues, such as higher education, higher-paying jobs, and higher-level culture. Of course, the situation is quite the opposite. And superiority leads to problems in marriage, regardless of which side dominates. The contribution of society in this situation should not be underestimated. In particular, families plan for the future of boys and choose a profession for them, not for girls. Thus, boys receive a better education and become more in demand in career growth than girls, who after marriage mostly become housewives. Thus, the presence of a profession leads to an imbalance in family relationships. In order to occupy a dominant position in the marriage, most men are looking for a spouse with fewer virtues than his. And since the family demonstrates its agreement with this situation, marriages are often created in which spouses are very different from each other by many criteria, and this is considered an advantage.

Many families prefer to marry their daughters to a rich person who has a good profession and is older than the person, thereby relieving himself of further responsibility for her. Thus, in society, there was an opinion that a woman cannot take care of herself, that a man is obliged to support her.

However, the marriage between the spouses should be concluded by mutual agreement, without any absolute sovereignty, but based on justice and mutual rights and obligations. The balance in the marriage between spouses allows them to understand each other, speak the same language and show mutual solidarity. Both of the spouses should try to develop each other. In the absence of a balance between the spouses, it is very difficult for them to understand each other, because such reasons as the age difference, the presence or absence of higher education, the different financial situation of the spouses give rise to different outlooks on life and understanding of situations. Their tastes most likely will also differ from each other, therefore, it will be difficult for spouses to find a common language in order to jointly make the right decision in family problems.

To summarize, we would like to say that if we take into account only our preferences, satisfying even the smallest needs, then we should show this sensitivity in marriage, and remember that marriage is the most important part of our life, and we, as a society, should reconsider our understanding of “good luck” as part of the concept of mutual understanding in marriage.

Clinical Psychologist Yıldız ŞENGÜL BİLGE