This supposed to be a fairytale. But the only thing you feel is anxiousness and tension. It feels like you have somebody else inside you.
And that somebody else is going to scream as ‘no’ during the marriage ceremony and leave the wedding venue in tears. You should not be afraid; everything is going to be alright. You are experiencing premarital syndrome which every bride to be can experience.
Actually, you love him. Well, before that big argument on the guest list everything was okay. He should not interfere the wedding cake, what if he interfere your clothes after you get married with him? Moreover today he did not care about the marriage ceremony treats; this means he will not care about you too after marriage. Are you sure to spend your life with this man? Or maybe you should give up before its too late. What if he can not make you happy? Is he the one for you? Have you really found your soul mate? Are you making a wrong decision?
Stop! First, you should be calm. You should not worry and you should not doubt from yourself. You are getting married and this brings lots of responsibilities. You are only concerned about carrying out these responsibilities, both yourself and for your partner. These responsibilities are not as heavy as you think. You are signing a love contract which will last forever. It can be scary for you at the beginning that thinking always for 2 people, however a marriage is not an emotional chaos. The thing you experience is premarital syndrome. And believe us you are not the first neither the last bride candidate who is facing with this problem.
Love is blindness
Psychiatrists find this problem which most of the woman experiencing as a normal thing. It may be beneficial to find an answer to the question of ‘why people get married’ to solve this problem. Family and friend pressure on getting married and having children can be seen in every society when someone comes to a certain age. Moreover, feelings like attraction, psychological evolution and love also remind people marriage. The person who is experiencing the enthusiastic part of the love idealizes the person they are in love with and see that person better and stronger than they are. People who are in love feel happier and fulfilled. Lovers want to be close to their love, try to understand their partner and try to be with them. Relatively negative qualifications can not be seen by the lover. Shortly, we can say that love is blindness.
The desire to own that person in this period can lead the couple to a marriage. As you are making wedding preparations, there should not be a problem until this time. Probably you and your future husband also went through this process. however society have a tendency to idealize the marriage and make people think that it is an endless lifestyle. This is why the stress before marriage occurs.
Experts say that to get rid of this stress people should stop considering the marriage as a heaven in which all your wishes will come true. Psychologists mention that love should increase step by step and if it is idealized, disappointment can be felt. They also mention that only people who learn how to deal with this disappointment can have a continuous relationship with trust and respect. People should think their partner as much as they think about themselves and they should have same rights and equality. Marriages usually happen as a result of a selection. Marriage decision means sharing the families, friends and common living areas. People can feel tense between their feelings, perception and the suggestions which are coming from other people. This sensitive situation can cause insecurity, incredulity, exaggerate and inappropriate requests. Disappointment replaces love.
Soul mate or not
Especially in developing countries, girls raised with fairytales which tells them that they will fall in love with a very special man when they grow up and they will get married and become mothers. Even it can be seen that monogamy is the expectation in all societies, sociological researches showed that monogamy seen in different cultural societies only 1 out of 5. Consequently, telling monogamy is the ideal for human nature is not seen as a reality.
Psychologists explain the stress which we feel before marriage as ‘’ to evolve into partners from lovers means to give up the role you have in your family house without conversion. Taking responsibility is one of the most important steps to mature and to become an adult. In period before marriage individuals starts to test each other regarding this topic. In this period the couple starts questioning each other on freedom management, collaboration in material topics, common expectations from the future, problem solving, tolerance to differences, religion, respect, families, being an individual, having fun together and stress management. All the close relatives and friends also participate this questioning voluntarily. The problems such as wedding invitation card decisions, a look while families around, not sharing a simple information, small inequalities can be seen as potential problems in the future.
And the wedding preparation process can be shift into a struggle and questions like ‘is this person my soul mate or not’ can start to be asked.
You should not forget, you are getting married and you and your husband is in the same team. The reason of your stress and fights is because of the intense pressures on both of you. You will realize in the future that subjects like bridal dress, decoration of your house, guest list, and candy bar are not as important as you think and not worth the arguments you experience. Actually, your wedding guests won’t even remember the wedding dress you wear on your wedding in a short while. However to fix a broken heart will take much more energy and time.
Stress and tension can be so heavy that you can not even enjoy your own wedding. You should keep in mind that there is no relationship which is perfect. Everybody lives within their own limits and with their own truths and decide their relationships accordingly. It is not necessary to think the same for everything to spend your life together.
To stay as an individual in a marriage is healthy both for the soul and for the relationship. Relationships with balance are always last longer. You should let things drift and enjoy your wedding day and your marriage.