Why beauties attract us?
Beauty is a gift of destiny or curse?
“Beauty, attractiveness is one the most demanded and desirable qualities among people, why? Beautiful people are happier than others? We always dream about a tall, handsome, brunette following us. But my advice: ''If a man has no depth, it will be nothing interesting'' Robin Western said.
“Beaty is looking like a jewel, as much it simple as it expensive. Beauty is like fast-rotting fruit, spoils human when young and offends when old”, Francis Bacon said.
Being physically attractive is giving to man a feeling of satisfaction; together with its beauty is involuntarily transferred to a whole human image, but also to his inner world. Speak easier; subconsciously it seems that beautiful man has also nice character and rich inner world. Such stereotypical thinking became common meaning beautiful means good. This effect attributes physical attractiveness, moral qualities that do not depend on it.
Form another side, such effect has a piece of truth.
Also, ugly people can earn big money, but beautiful people get gifts of destiny on a silver plate. Perceiving beautiful people as most desirable, we with our behavior gave them the ability to open and develop their inner world. Good behavior produces good people and stereotype that beautiful people can’t be bad people works. Beautiful people are always good?
We can say “No”. Beautiful people have even less goodness and good skills. Ugly people in the world where beauty is a benefactor by itself, studying many things, gain experience, listen to other people, to become an interesting and multifaced person. We will not touch the problems of ugliness which in many ways lead to problems of psychopathy. Our love of beauty affects beautiful people. Beautiful people are more confident; due to it, they find social status easier. Positive attitude toward beautiful people allows them to be more open and cheerful.
People who are physically attractive have better social dialogue skills. It is also the results of society favors beautiful people. Research is showing that more attractive people go to verbal contact easier. Researches done among students at one of the universities showed that the cutest guys have the best social communication skills (they are initiative, self-confident, they are not afraid of refusals from the opposite sex), compared to other guys; while girls beauties had less social skills compared to other girls.
This researcher showed that beauty is a factor that reinforces the stereotypical behavior of men and women. If, on the one hand, it directs men to be socially active, then women are given two kinds of roles: to be beautiful or socially active. Another study found that by blending beautiful women and handsome men in one society, social confidence increases and the quality of social connections improves.
Another reason that we are reaching for physically attractive people lies in the benefits of such communication. When we see two people of the same sex together, we have a rule of assimilation. A man of ordinary appearance against the background of a person who is more beautiful than him looks more beautiful, and vice versa, against the background of an ugly person, looks less attractive. This rule is also relevant for a couple (man-woman) only for a man, but on how a woman is perceived in a couple, the appearance of the partner does not play a significant role.
But the result changes, if they are not seen together right away, but one after another with a certain time interval. In contrast, a beautiful woman, then seen an ordinary woman, is perceived by a man even less attractive. An ordinary woman after Playboy looks less interesting in the eyes of a man.
During one of the studies, men were shown pictures of a beautiful naked woman and then asked to evaluate their partner in terms of attractiveness. Men expose lesser points to their partners after the model photo. In women, however, viewing photos of nude beauties did not affect the assessment of their sexual partners. After such studies, we can say that the perception of beauty is different for men and women.
To summarize, there are four main reasons for which we stretch towards beautiful people: aesthetics, the stereotype “beautiful means good”, higher social skills, through association makes us feel more beautiful.
It is customary to think that men as compared with women express more interest in making the partner for a romantic relationship physically attractive. Although studies show that women, not less than men attach importance to the attractiveness of a sexual partner.
It turned out that not all men attach equal importance to physical attractiveness. Men who are distinguished by high self-control, tend to act according to social norms and rules, are ready to leave a pleasant opinion of them after talking to other people. They are aimed at social recognition, so they prefer to see a beautiful partner next to them. Those men who are not so high in self-control, of the two options for dating “beautiful” or “easy-going, with good character”, tend to choose the second option. That is a girl with a good character.
Despite all the advantages of attractiveness, it does not make a person optimistic or more self-confident. The reasons for this are how a handsome person interprets social relationships. Because of their attitude toward beautiful people in society, they do not believe in the sincerity of what others say about them regarding other qualities. When they hear praise in their address, they suspect that this is not an objective assessment, but the result of their physical attractiveness.
Along with this, there are a lot of stereotypes associated with beauty. Such as, "Beautiful women are selfish," "attractive men are stupid."
Is the life of beautiful people different from the life of ordinary people? The stereotype associated with this is that beautiful people do not have rainy and cloudy days, they are happier than others. Is it so? Researchers of this issue investigated a group of people choosing respondents from their school photos. We traced the fate of certain beautiful and ordinary people. Bottom line: among the beauties and beauties more than those who have got a family. But in other aspects of life, there was no difference. Family lives of beautiful people are not happier than others. It turned out that beauty is not a factor that plays a role in our happiness.
People like us, we find more attractive?
“What role do people’s similarities play in building relationships?” Do we find people like us more attractive? ”
Heterosexual couples may be similar to many demographic parameters: physical health, family characteristics, religion, age, level of education, etc. When we talk to large groups of people, we find people with similar demographic parameters more attractive.
The personal similarity of partners is an influential factor at different stages of a relationship. It has been established that couples in which the husband and wife have personal similarities are happier and feel more satisfied. The emotional similarity of the partners makes them more attractive to each other. Optimists choose optimists.
People tend to choose more beautiful members of the opposite sex than ugly ones. But recent studies have shown that a person is even more inclined to choose a person like him.
Another question is whether the physical similarity of the partners affects the quality of the relationship. A study conducted at a marriage agency showed a direct correlation between the development of relations in a couple and their similarity to physical attractiveness. Couples whose partners in terms of physical attractiveness are similar, within six months were even closer than other couples. Another study revealed that by the end of the ninth month such couples are even more tied to each other than ordinary couples, and such couples diverge less frequently.
In couples who have experienced sexual problems, it turns out that the man believes that the woman has become less physically attractive. And the woman does not even know about it. This shows the importance attached by men and the physical attractiveness of women.
You can often hear that couples who have lived a long period together become outwardly alike. This may be due to the fact that we subconsciously choose people like our parents in their youth.
We find people with a similar position in life, religion even more attractive. We are also attracted to people with similar manners and behavior. In the study of couples, it turned out that couples similar in terms of manners and behavior find their partner more attractive. This shows that attraction between a man and a woman is determined by both physical attractiveness and behavioral similarity. The most attractive people for us, physically attractive and similar to ourselves.
When we meet a person unfamiliar to us, without knowing it ourselves, along with his physical attractiveness, we also evaluate him by other parameters. If a person attracts us, we perceive him to be like us. But this is not a real similarity, it is our perception. Our perception of it as similar to us makes it even more attractive to us. Ways of convincing themselves are endless.
One of these ways is to perceive a person who we liked as very similar to us and to think that we have a lot in common. Behavioral similarity develops with time. During the period of common residence, it turns out whether this similarity is real or not, and if the similarity is present, this person becomes even more attractive to us.
The real similarity of partners is an important factor in building a happy marriage.
Just as the behavioral similarity is determined on a subconscious level, the opposite is a repulsive factor.
Maybe at the first meeting with strangers instead of attracting similar ones, we simply push away the unlike ones. The second stage, among those who remained, is attracted to people like us. We feel better with people like us. Maybe we are not attracted by the similarity, but our ideals. It’s not always possible to find perfect friends or perfect love. In search of the perfect, we have to be content with those who are more like us.
Many people will think that the topic of attractiveness has been greatly complicated by me. They will think: “And what is the use of this information for me?” My goal is to show those who think that in building relationships the most important thing is beautiful, that everything is so simple and everything is much more complicated. Now you at least know that trying to build a relationship with a person who is nothing like you, is an empty idea, be careful!
Attractiveness and differences
The author of the movie “Woman. Love. Family ”Peyami Safa very accurately described the role of differences in the emergence of love between a man and a woman:“ Being clear and predictable is killed by love, and complete unpredictability is a killer of love. A woman in the moonlight on silver horses in transparent dresses makes her feel her soul but does not expose her. Gives hope, but not encouraging. Gives a mysterious: "Probably" and the familiar, and unfamiliar.
Such a semi-communion between a man and a woman is the cause of love and hate. How different? The unity of man and woman indifference. If we were an exact copy of each other, we would die from loneliness in a couple. We would see our loved ones no more important than the reflection in the mirror. ”
“Like three thousand years ago, among the barriers generating love is poverty, deformity, illness, marriage, or a rival. To the extent that love can be defined as, "desire multiplied by an obstacle." In ancient times, such a barrier between lovers was the impossibility of seeing each other. The more this obstacle was, the more the desire grew, the lovers did not see the real look of a loved one, his mistakes, shortcomings, weaknesses, thereby acquiring a perfect image. In these kinds of love, each lack of a loved one is seen as an advantage and something magical.
“The theme of love is not correctness and logic, but beauty; beauty is an imaginary substance ... where there is no dream, there is not only poetry, not only love, there is no man”.
“For the birth of love, you need to see a loved one; to continue love, you need not see it ... so many people who are not loved by us, but are cute to us. Sympathy - the first seeds of love. Along with this, for the generation of desire, we need hope. Love may end up with hopelessness at the end, but at first, each love gives hope. Hence, for the birth of love, at least three reasons are needed: sympathy, hope, desire. These reasons are sufficient for the birth of love, but not sufficient for the development of it.
How many times have we lost interest in a person to whom we felt sympathy, after several contacts? Love grows away from the love object. True truth: love feeds not the object of love itself, but the dream of it. Because a dream is always better than reality. ” “Every love passes. Love, each time confronted with reality, begins to feel the difference between the created dream and the object of love. This period is the period of the death of love...
The end of every love dream is such a death of a dream. The end of the period of love. The blessing that such love-dream can be transformed into true love. This is not loving and not passion. True love is the immortal love as between mother and child, between family members, husband-wife. Love that does not spark, does not glow, is a warm, constant, reliable connection. Such love does not die, because it does not rely on dreams and imaginary ideas. She accepts all the flaws, mistakes and sees the real person. Such love loves not the ideal shadow of a person; such love tolerates the faults of a person, accepts it as it is. In such love, there is no love dream that must die. More precisely, a dream that is not afraid of reality and lives in sober reality. "
Complementarity in a Relationship
“Is complementarity of each other important for relationships?”
The question of complementarity of each other can be viewed from different points of view. The simplest is to supplement each other as material sources. As an example, the union of a beautiful woman and a rich man. In one of the studies conducted among the students of one of the universities, it was revealed that girls-beauties preferred to marry wealthy or more successful men than their fellow students. In different societies and at different times this topic has a different effect on relationships.
Until recently, a beautiful woman and a rich man were considered an excellent party. A woman “bought” her position or economic status. The man also had a source of pride in the form of an attractive wife. Today, such stereotypes are less and less satisfied with both parties. Although, unfortunately, are still relevant.
You can also look at the union of a beautiful woman and a rich man as the results of natural selection. Beautiful woman in terms of fertility and the ability to leave healthy offspring has excellent health. What attracts that will be able to put this offspring on its feet and ensure its existence.
Research questions "the beauty of the spouse and the wealth of the spouse" showed that in all the studied thirty-three countries with different cultures, things are the same. This study also showed that women prefer their husband to be worse than her own. Of course, this situation has an explanation from the point of view of social evolution. A woman who throughout the history has not had the opportunity to have economic and social freedom, which was not allowed to education and career, received her social position only through the position of her husband in society.
The obstacles: To love those who do not belong to us
"If we were not married to you, I would not write you poems" Lord Byron's wife.
“Why are love songs all sad? Or those who are reunited are no longer in love? ”
A person wants to remain free in his desires and feelings. When there is a risk of losing such freedom, he resists it and tries to regain his freedom. We are attached to what we fear to lose.
Bertrand Russell argued that the basis of romantic love, to see a loved one valuable and difficult to reach. “To conquer the heart of a loved one, we resort to different ways, poems, songs, heroic deeds, gifts or nice things. Belief in the uniqueness of this woman makes her psychologically difficult to reach. This can be said in other words, if a man on the path to conquering a woman does not meet difficulties, his feelings towards her will never become romantic love. ”
Not the consent of the parents, makes the two lovers be away from each other. Such separation at least at the initial stage increases the attraction between them. The study of the romantic relationship of married and unmarried couples whose parents oppose their relationship showed that how much more resistance the parents are, the stronger the romantic feeling between partners. Such affection in unmarried couples is even higher. If, over time, such resistance causes even greater affection in unmarried couples, then in married couples this effect was not noticed.
Of course, it is not entirely fair to say that always increase love. If a young girl is very attached to the opinion of her father, then his resistance and unwillingness can affect her and quench her feelings for her chosen one.
Interestingly, studies show that when closing bars, the remaining community partners look more attractive. Reluctance to go home alone makes the surrounding representatives of the opposite sex even more attractive.
How do we treat the more discriminating members of the opposite sex? One of the results of the research showed that we find more selective people, arrogant and narcissistic. Especially women find such men repulsive. So you can advise the men, it is better not to get involved in games of stuffing their prices.
Expectations: We love the people we expect to love
Our expectations from a person influence our behavior towards him. If we are inclined to find a person attractive, then we will behave in such a way that his behavior is attractive to us. It is like a prediction coming true. A study was conducted in two groups of men. Each man in the first group was shown photos of attractive women. The second pictures of ugly women. They were told that they would meet with them. Then every man had a telephone conversation, as he thought, with the woman whose photo he had just seen.
Men behaved in accordance with their expectations. Those who thought that they communicate with beauties, behaved more gallantly, sensually and sincerely. And in response to such communication, women began to behave from a social point of view, as the interlocutor expected from them. That is the prediction in the work. That is, in our social intercourse we ourselves form our influence. If we communicate with the interlocutor openly, in a friendly, positive way, then he, in response to this, becomes much more attractive to us. Our behavior and expectation, not only make us more attractive but also the people around us we deem more attractive to ourselves.