Transition to the marriage proposal stage from meeting and dating stage
In this article I will describe the first step towards marriage between men and women, i.e. relationship from meeting and dating phase to the marriage proposal.
So how to make the first offer, i.e. the dating offer. Do you have to do anything before the offer? How are you going to plan your offer? How do you expect a woman to bring her first offer? How do you overcome the problem of shyness? Remember, the one who is unable to make friends with his fellow, will be not able to date and maintain a proper relationship with the opposite sex.
Meeting and dating
The first step in a good marriage is to find the right person. You have to know what you're looking for first in order to find the right person. You can only know this by recognizing yourself. Sometimes friendship with the opposite sex can be very useful to get to know yourself.
Men and women benefit from many different reasons: friendship, entertainment, sex, social interaction, etc. But eventually, it ends up with dating and marriage.
The divorce level is about 70,000. In addition, in marriages it reveals that if to mention marital status of spouses some part of the couples getting married previously had marriage.
These statistics show that most men and women prefer to be married. In fact, many of those who have been married from the beginning and for some reason ended their marriage prefer to remarry. I wonder how much of the population never gets married in their lifetime.
Although Turkey does not know any statistics about this, the census in the United States of America in 2000 shows that 90-95% of Americans are finally married. Even in a country where divorce rates are higher than ours, this rate is expected to be higher in Turkey. Moreover, we know that even young people with serious health problems who are unable to carry out a marriage in our country are married with the idea that they will get better if they get married. These statistics, whatever they say as a reason for finding friends, or what kind of relationships they have in their youth years, most people eventually think of getting married when they find a suitable partner.
The most important reasons for dating the opposite sex in the youth years that have not reached the matrimonial maturity are to get to know the opposite sex more closely and have a good time. As the age progresses, we begin to look for the need to establish deeper ties and intimacy. Dating at this age requires more complex skills, such as communication skills, problem solving skills. The desire to be together at the end of the act of dating continuously arises, and it follows the steps of the contract and marriage. Dating or marriage is the quest to be loved and cared for by another person in the final analysis.
Commitment and freedom
Men and women complain about each other today. There even was written a book named Men and other reptiles. The new generation says they want equal relationships. Women complain about not finding men as they seek, and men are not in a different situation. A woman who lives alone says that she can come home and go out any time she wants, and leave her bed undone when she does not feel like, in other words she enjoys freedom. At what extent men and women leaving freedom toeach,nevertheless must live together. What is going on in close relationships, is it that men and women see relationships as an obstacle to living their lives?
Men and women are afraid of being connected. The reasons for this are extreme individuation in modern society and the difficulties in waiting for too much of life and giving up on behalf of another man or woman. However, perhaps the most important reason is the disappointment that many unrelated relationships have ended in spite of love. As a result of all this, my inability to connect was an obstacle in front of the relations.
It‘s useful to know the points that must be taken into consideration from the first day of the relationship in order not to experience close relationships as a frustrating obstacle to life and freedom.
To find someone
Everyone wants to love someone and fall in love, but is everybody ready to be loved? Or is everyone ready to date someone or be close friends? If you are not sure of yourself when answering these questions, then there are some more questions that you need to answer. What do you do to improve your chances of finding a friend? There are many ways to meet people, such as traditional or customary, and there are many ways to go online when internet is in our lives. A second question is, do you prepare yourself to become a good partner/friend?
When you start talking to someone, you should be ready to talk about yourself, your interests or more general politics or world affairs. Third, do you have enough confidence in yourself? You have to take time to develop yourself for these three issues. If you do, you will have a more successful relationship.
Dating/spending time with someone is a skill, practice, self-confidence, and need to spend effort to become a better person. What are the strengths of your personality? How can you use your strengths to build a good relationship? How do you encounter people who have values similar to yours? It‘s useful to write the answers to these questions as a list. Writing will make it easier to think and find solutions. In fact, it would be useful to keep a diary foryourself during the development phase.
Offering dating/friendship requires self-confidence. How we communicate verbally or with our body language is the main factor determining our success. If you have not reviewed how you have communicated to others so far, you should do so. For example, if you make direct eye contact, talk in a strong voice, stand upright, will give you the message that you are someone who is confident.
If you ask me where I can find a good friend, the answer is that he can be anywhere. In the mall, in the movie theater, at the bus stop, in a cafe, or anywhere. What you have to do is not only to meet people, but also to talk. If you have an MP3 player in your ear, if your head is embedded in a newspaper, you can't see what's going on around you, raise your head and look around you. There's a lot to talk to people about. Of course, remember that not every conversation means starting a friendship. A certain expectation of success in your mind will unnecessarily excite you.
Loving oneself is absolutely necessary in the initiation and execution of a good friendship/relationship. If you really love yourself enough, you create a self-confidence atmosphere around you, which makes you attractive. There are many reasons for this. A self-confident person protects his rights, does not make rejection a matter of pride, and he knows that if relationship / friendship doesn't work, he can easily share it with you;. Of course there must be a fine border between self-confidence and extortion of others' rights. If someone has excessive self-esteem that he does not deserve and is in love with himself sees himself in the center of the world and thinks he has right for everything.
Even if he doesn't like him and he is crushed, he will accept such a person as a self-confident friend who is ready to think that he deserves it. To increase your self-confidence, take pride in yourself, gather emotionally nurturing people around you, put creative thoughts into action, take time to relax and have fun, make friends from many different backgrounds, reward yourself, underestimate your skills and use them, follow your intuition, use your achievements, look at yourself equal to other people, do not suppress your emotions.
Are you taking care of me?
80-90 percent of the first dates occur after two people realize that a little interest has been shown to each other. I mean, people don't ask a date to someone they don't know. So if you want to go out with someone before you talk to him, you should at least make some eye contact. Usually, many people will feel if a person will agree or disagree to date with him. If you don't know if someone is related to you, be a little more patient and try to talk to him a little more before you ask him out. Does he respond to your efforts to speak? Is he flirting with you? Smiling at you? Is he open to you? If you answer these questions, you can decide if he will accept or not dating with you.
You're interested in someone, but how are you going to make the first date? The first thing you need to do is to learn about it. Then you have to find a creative way to communicate before you ask her out. Before you ask her out, you should see how she responds by flirting with her. You must make your offer in an original way and show your confidence in yourself. It‘s not always necessary to be creative, but a well-made offer will help you avoid being hurt if you are rejected. For the first time, it‘s useful for you to choose a place where almost everyone can relax and avoid extremism.
Your invitation to participate in an activity involving her interests will increase your chances of being accepted.
It may show the seriousness of your interest to make your offer with a poem, a little gift, a flower. However, it‘s useful to keep in mind that too much romance can scare some people, and that many people are afraid of being too devotees to escape from the experience of a bad date.
The success of your dating bid depends on you more than on what you're looking at. First of all, you need to be clear about how you want to make friends with someone. First of all, you have to choose candidates that you already know, have similar interests to you, and you know that they are interested in you. You should meet and talk to friends of the person you want to date and get to know him/her better. Once you have made your decision, do not make too many breaks, apply your decision immediately. Of course, in some cases you will receive a refusal response, but you should continue to try.
Initial invitation timing
Usually an offer is exciting and we make offer immediately the same day. But an offer made the same day may mean that we think that someone is waiting for an offer at home. If you want to ask someone out, you have to show him/her you know the time. An offer made for that day will be printed immediately. Even if he/she thinks he/she is going out with you, if he or she has any other plans, he/she will be confused. By showing him/her that you can wait a week or so, you will express respect for his/her plans and decisions. Today, courtesy rules are no longer excessive.
People prefer to be more comfortable and free. But if you want to take an offer for Saturday night, for example, it would be better to do it before Thursday. This way, you will show that you care about his/her weekend plans. It also means that you make an offer to that person because it's better than nothing, because it's not something you'd like more to do on Saturday. After a while you will no longer be concerned about setting your own rules of relationship.
Don't be too late with an invitation.
You know the proverb. Forget it! When it comes to someone with a word, it's definitely wrong. If you wait too long to ask someone out, he/she can accept someone else's offer and when you have the courage to ask someone out, he/she may already have started a friendship with someone else. Girls care about self-confidence. If you dare to take steps and make an offer, even if you are excited to do so, you will have courage to take risk of rejection. It’s quite possible that you will get the yes answer.
Woman's first offer
Women's first offer to bring began to be discouraging recently. However, trying to set up a one-to-one interview can be perceived as too bravely for many men. So if a lady is going to make the first offer, it would be wise to do it for an activity involving many friends. Moreover, if things do not go as expected, it will not be difficult to keep your friends around you.
Cleaning and dressing up
In a relationship, impressions begin the first time you see each other. Before you even spoke a word, he/she started to think about what kind of person you might be. For this reason, the way you look, your cleanliness are your clothing are important. A carelessness about our appearance can make it quite difficult for you. You will be interested in your appearance. It‘s useful to look comfortable and well, but an exaggerated attention can be interpreted as forcing your conditions and you are in anticipation and creating tension.
You have to choose unofficial clothes that fit you perfectly. Your clothes should be appropriate for the activity you plan. If you have made plans, tell your friend so that he/she is not in a difficult situation with a completely inappropriate dress. Stay away from excessive makeup or accessories. Let him/her want more, not less. You'd better compliment your friend's outfit a little bit. Let those on you reflect your personality. Think about what you're going to wear. It‘s not possible to fully understand your personality immediately, but it‘s best to identify yourself correctly in your costume and not to confuse the first impressions you will leave. A relationship that starts with the wrong impression will end, and it will upset him/her even if it doesn't end.
Nothing can make a person seem more egocentric than to be careless about the time of others. This is especially true if you're about to make a friendship with the opposite sex. Going on a date in time shows that you respect the time of the other person and that you care about this meeting. If you are always late for your appointments, it will make him/her think that you have never taken this person into consideration, even if it‘s not true. If you are going to be late for your appointment, make sure to call and report it and do not make it a habit to be late.
To comply with etiquette
Complying with etiquette is one of the foundations of a relationship. Etiquette rules can vary according to culture, place and time, of course, but if you don't know the attitude of the person you meet, you should at least comply with the widely accepted etiquette rules. For example, opening the door of a man is still widely expected behavior. On the other hand, it’s becoming increasingly common to pay a bill for the food eaten together. Nevertheless, it’s not appropriate to offer German manners in the first meeting without learning your friend's attitude. Your insistence on paying in person may also be considered too much macho attitude. So, it’s useful to leave a little improvement in your behavior regarding payment of the account. This is also the case with where to go and what to do. Decisions are more appropriate to be made jointly.
To plan ahead
It's perfect to be spontaneous, but it's useful to be careful when you meet someone new. A little attention is required for a good first impression. If you're making an offer, you might want to make some plans. For example, if you are going to dinner, it would be best to make a reservation. Share your plans with your friend so he/she can prepare himself/herself. You should ask what time to pick up your friend and what time he/sheneed to be at home. Even if you've known someonefor a while, planning timing shows that you care about him/her.
The plan is especially important for the first meeting. It’s not pleasant to look indecisive, so it will make you think that you have no idea what you want to do. The plan should be simple and clear.
If you don't know yourself well, it wouldn't be nice to stay in a complicated situation. The purpose of the first meeting is to get to know each other a little bit and decide whether or not to continue, keep this in mind. You should choose a place where both of you can speak comfortably. Of course, this place should not be private or stash that could cause the meeting to be very intimate and intense. If an activity is concerned, it should be simple so that you don't have to pay all your attention to it instead of getting to know him/her.
The first meeting is a source of excitement and distress. Find a direction that you can compliment your friend, it will reduce this distress and allow you to recognize as it is. If you feel that your friend is having trouble speaking, ask questions that will make it easier for him/her to speak.
Not to look too willing
You may be dating for the first time, or you've known him/her a little bit and you've liked him/her a lot, and in either case, it may be tempting to look too willing. Your timing in relationships may be different. You may want to get closer and even get married as soon as possible. However, you may have just recovered from the impact of a relationship, or you may not feel ready to devote yourself to someone, considering that your life, work, etc.is not on the track. In these cases it would be repulsive to look too willing. Of course, do not sacrifice your goals. Read the signals, evaluate the clues, and find out what the other person expects from the relationship without coercion. If you do not want to lose any time directly "what is your expectation from a man/woman during this period of life?"if the question is going to get him away from you quickly, then let it be so. Fear, as our forefathers say, is no use for the reward. Do not ask this question until you have no chance to get to know you. After you know who you are, the answer to this question may be different. The whole point is how much time you have to spend with someone who's not sure where you want to go.
If you are a woman in your thirties and you are sure you want to have at least two children, you really have to take care of your time. Or you're just 18 years old, but if your values suggest you stay away from union relationships for the moment, don't be unfair to yourself and don't let your heart break because of someone chasing for scores. Make sure what you want and when you want it, and ask someone else to do the same. Talk if you feel different. You may have a different agenda for anxiety or reasons, and you may need to make minor changes to your agenda.
Complete inability to meet or talk
One of the most common complaints of those who cannot find the right person to get married is fearlessness. Although shyness and avoidance define a personality trait which is considered to be normal, it’s intertwined with a “social phobia” or “social anxiety disorder” which is a psychological and psychiatric problem, and if after reading the rest of this book you decide not to stay alone for some reson, you may have a shyness problem. Reading this section can help you solve the problem yourself, or you can also decide to get help from an expert after reading this section.
Shyness and social phobia may also be seen due todepression. If this is the case, you can communicate with people more easily when your depression is improved with treatment. Although personality disorders may be seen as life-long disorders, they benefit from treatment rather than shy personality traits. Many people believe that the situation can't be changed and do not seek help by saying that I have been like this for as long as I can remember. "A person in seven is not the same in seventy" is the expression of continuity in all of the features that make us, which does not mean that we cannot change ourselves.